lately, i've been stressing myself out way more than necessary over exams, gpas, and career paths. and although these things are important and should not be taken lightly i truly do believe, or am trying, that there are more worthwhile things in life to devote yourself to. i think that in this world today, these things have become the definition of people, their identities. exams, marks, careers are crucial, that i won't deny. but they aren't, or shouldn't be, the be all and end all. it's become drilled into the heads of my generation that grades and how well you do in school determines your self-worth in society. how much you make is how respectable of a person you are. your amount of wealth decides peoples opinion of you.

i've been dead scared these past few weeks because of circumstances in school and other deterrences in what i thought was my solid plan for life. my outline, i thought, was set in stone. and in the past week it's been shaken right down to its very core. now, i'm questioning everything. i've never felt so unsure in my life and i've never been in such a state of blatant uncertainty. at times it's easy to have hope, but usually it feels like a never ending ride downhill. at times i feel as if i've finally got it together but then everything falls apart all over again.

i have never been more excited for christmas break, not because of school being over and no more work to worry about until next semester but because of the sense of newness it bring. i'm excited and more than ready for this break because i know i have some major re-evaluating of my life to do. i need to figure out or at least get a sense of where it is i want to be, where it is i want to go, and what it is i want to do. maybe this time i'll answer more truthfully and hopefully, in 2010, i'll be well on my way.